


They Are So Drunk—The Plan Job

by crayonbreakygal



Category: Leverage
Genre: Crackfic!, F/M, Multi, drunkfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 20:26:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7121362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crayonbreakygal/pseuds/crayonbreakygal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crackfic where the team goes over which plan means what.  Takes place sometime during season four.</p>
            </blockquote>





	They Are So Drunk—The Plan Job

**Author's Note:**

> This one definitely veers off into crackfic and drunkfic territory. It also veers off into threesome territory, which I have never done in this fandom.

Takes place during season four somewhere.  It’s crackfic so who cares!

They Are So Drunk—The Plan Job

“Which one?”

“If someone says Plan M, then I am outta here.”

“I’ve always wondered what Plan Z was.”

“Sophie, probably means we are all dead,” Hardison answered.

“Plan E,” Eliot guessed.

“Just because it starts with the first letter in your name,” Parker retorted, reaching for her glass of wine, downing it quickly.

“Oh, come on.  This is all made up.  You have to think that’s what he does.”

All shook their heads at Eliot’s assumption.

“Still, Plan P better have to do with me.”

“Ok, but my Plan M, I’m dead.  He’s never said Plan H was mine.”

“It’s never Plan A.  Why does he even use that one,” Sophie surmised, handing the salt to Parker.

“Isn’t that the one that’s the most complicated, so he throws it out the window?” Parker said as she passed the salt over to Eliot.

“What?  Do we always land on Plan C or D?  My brain just hurts thinking about it.”

They all now agreed with Hardison.

“How about Plan F?” Eliot asked, dipping his French fry into ketchup.

“Is that the one where we’re all fucked?” Sophie laughed.

“Is that literal or figurative?”

“Hardison,” Sophie admonished the younger hacker.

“With Nate, you just don’t know, now do you Sophie?”

Hardison kicked Eliot under the table.  “Y’all nasty.”

“Come on, Hardison.  Sex is not nasty,” Eliot said, taking a drink of his beer.

“Yeah it is,” Parker agreeing with Hardison. “Doesn’t mean it’s not fun though.”

Hardison picked the time to spit out his drink a little.

“Oh, yes, well. Not sure where to go with that one,” Sophie answered, upending her beer, draining the contents.

“Ok, so you think it’s Plan G this time?  We have to pick a letter, why not that one?” Parker said as she stole one of Eliot’s fries.

“How about Plan N?  Nate’s plan.  He can own that one.”

“Hardison, he always owns them. Except that one time he used yours.  Then Sophie’s planning.  Just, we really don’t have to use letters for plan names.”

Eliot was right.  They really didn’t have to do it.

“How about Let’s go steal a planet?”

“Parker, we are not stealing a planet.  This has nothing to do with planets.”

“Extraterrestrials?”

“Parker, aliens don’t exist.”

“But Eliot, Area 51.  You told me.”

“If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

“Oh man, Eliot.  Now you’ve done it.  She will never stop.”

“OK, why do people say that?”

“Because Parker, it’s true.”

Sophie snorted his way, tapping her beer with his.

“I call bullshit. You haven’t killed me yet.”

“There’s always a first time,” he answered back.

“What does that mean? First time.  I can only die once.”

They all turned to Sophie.

“So how many times have you died, Soph?”

Sophie frowned at Eliot.  “Um, five?  I really don’t keep track.  Only twice with the team.”

“Can you imagine the death scenes?”

They all looked off into the distance, each grimacing, except for Sophie, who smiled.

“Wait?  It was three times.  Remember Serbia?  Unfortunately someone forgot to put film in the camera.”

They all agreed that she actually was quite good in that one.

“Nate’s hair was really funny in that one,” Parker said, slurring her words a bit.

“Crazy director, crazy hair,” Sophie said, probably reliving a possible role in a distant time.

“He always gets the crazy hair,” Eliot agreed.  “So glad I don’t get those.”

“Guyliner,” Hardison pointed out.

“You didn’t?” Sophie smirked Eliot’s way.

“It was, Hardison, it wasn’t guyliner,” Eliot growled.

“I think you looked pretty sexy there, Sparky,” Parker giggled.  “I was the only one who didn’t have a ridiculous outfit.”

“Nate had a ridiculous outfit?  Why did I miss all the good stuff?  Pictures.  I need pictures.”

“Lagerfeld,” Eliot said, taking a drink.

“He didn’t.  I must have pictures, guys.”

“At least it wasn’t a priest like that one time,” Parker said, shivering a bit.

“Too close to home?” Hardison laughed.

“Oh my god, so not close to home. I am not going to finish that thought.”

Both Hardison and Eliot looked at Sophie, wide eyed.

“You go, girl,” Parker agreed, high fiving Sophie.

“Way, way, way too much information,” Hardison said, taking a sip of his mixed drink.  “Do not, Eliot, do not finish that thought.”

Eliot grinned his way.  “There was this girl.  Red head.”

“What is it with you and red heads?”

Parker grinned an evil grin.

“Don’t Parker.”

Sophie poked Hardison.

“At least neither one of us is a red head,” Sophie pointed out.

“Not going there, Sophie.”

“Not like you could handle this,” Parker joked as she took a drink of his beer.

“True, Parker.  So true.”

All of the team were getting drunker by the minute.

“Plan I.”

“Hey, it’s like in some theatres when they skip a letter or number.  I?”

“How about plan D for drunk off your asses?”

All four turned to see Nate come into the empty bar, coat draped over his arm.

“Wait, but I thought that was your go to plan when the other three don’t work?”

Nate narrowed his eyes at Sophie, then shook his head.

“Plan P.”

“Plan E.”

“Plan F,” Eliot finished.

“I like plan F, don’t you Nate?” Sophie managed to get out, swaying in her seat.

“Sophie, dear, you are so shit faced.”

Sophie then snorted, covering her face with her hand.

“Ha,” Parker joined in.

“Whoa there, Nate.  What is Plan F?” Eliot said, almost giggling.

“Y’all are so juvenile.”

“Wha?  Us, juvenile?” Eliot retorted, almost falling off his chair.

“Seriously?  All four of you?”

“Learned from the master,” Parker said, voice low and serious.  She giggled right after.

“No, he’s just an ass when he’s drunk.”

“You can have him, Soph.”

“Of course, there was that one time.  Sure does loosen his inhibitions quite a bit.  He took his…”

Eliot covered her mouth with his hand.

“She shares way too much when she’s drunk.”

Nate rubbed his hand over his face. “What else has she shared?”

Parker slipped off her chair onto the floor.  “What’s a San Lorenzo?” she laughed.

“Oh, Parker.  It’s…”

Nate then put his hand over Sophie’s mouth.  “Dear, oversharing.”

“As usual, y’all nasty.”

“Hey, we went over that, Alec.”

“Oh, and that other time.”

“Sophie,” they all yelled.

“What?”

“Oversharing much?” Eliot said as he took her beer away from her.

“Oh, yeah.  It was fun though.  He tends to do this thing with his tongue.”

All of them groaned her way.  Nate grabbed her hand, waved goodbye to the rest of the group and pulled her to the back stairs.

“Hey, they’re gonna have sex,” Parker yelled.

“Thanks for the insight,” Nate yelled back, having heard her before he shut the door to the stairs.

 

Sophie stumbled as she reached the top of the stairs at the second level.

“Hey, sweetie,” she started.  “You sexy man, you.”

“Why did they let you get so trashed?” he asked as he made it to his door with her in tow.

“Oh, they didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to do.  It was fun.  And now we’ve named all the cons with letters.  Let me tell you about Plan F,” Sophie said, emphasizing the letter F.

“Let me get you some coffee,” Nate said as he threw his jacket onto one of the dining room chairs.

When he returned a few moments later, Sophie stood in the middle of the room, naked.

“Soph?”

Stalking over to him, she pulled him to her by his belt, thrusting her tongue in his mouth as soon as she did.

“Uh, Soph, shouldn’t you slow down?” he said as he took her hand in his.

“Remember the San Lorenzo?”

Nate’s eyes went wide with that.  “I was there.”

Biting her bottom lip, Sophie reached up and pulled his head down again.  “Let’s do it again.”

Jumping up, he caught her just in time before she fell.

“Not on the floor,” he said as he tried to maneuver her up the winding stairs.

“Wimp,” she said as she started to suck on his neck.

“I think aren’t we both supposed to be drunk for this?”

“I’m not waiting for you,” she said as she grabbed his crotch.

Nate moaned as he pushed her back into his bedroom.  Only Sophie got the upper hand, turned him around and shoved him across the bed.  It didn’t take her long to strip him, crawl up his body and proceed to show him that she did indeed remember what they did that night.

 

“I wonder what the San Lorenzo is?” Parker asked the other two team members that were left in the closed bar.

Eliot grinned her way.

“Just, just, don’t go there, girl.  You know how you get.”

Eliot grinned Hardison’s way.

“You know,” Parker sighed.

“No.  Just I have a vivid imagination, unlike some people in this room.”

“I’ll have you know that I…”

“What?  Actually think about sex?  Come on, Hardison.  Doesn’t it make you all tingly thinking about what it is and that they did it?”

Hardison looked at Parker, then looked at Eliot.  He held up his hands, placing his fingers a few inches apart.

Eliot picked up his phone, thumbing through his contacts.

“Hey, no fair.  You can’t call someone else to find out what it is.  Besides, I thought you were dating that red head.”

“Her phone number,” he said as he held up the phone.  “All that talk about sex.”

“Hungry and horny.”

Hardison rolled his eyes at Parker.  Downing her drink, she pushed Eliot back into his seat and straddled him.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.  I didn’t think we needed a demonstration.”

“Well, I mean we could just go and ask them right now.  We’ll cover your eyes, Hardison.”

Parker swayed in Eliot’s lap.

“And Nate would kill us all dead.  I don’t want to live through that.”

“Eliot, are you drunk?” Parker giggled.

“Enough to know that Hardison is looking left out.   What’ll say?”

“Threesome?” Hardison squeaked out.

“We could call it the McRory’s maneuver.”

“The teammate special?” Eliot added.

“Plan F?” Hardison said as he placed his hand on Parker’s back.  



End file.
